Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
