brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
