Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
