She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
