Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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