Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
