weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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