New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
