I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
