it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
