dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
