Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
