How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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