broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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