shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
