In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
