shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
