Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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