i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
