haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
