On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
