i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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