I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
