11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
White coat. Heels.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
