nut hugger
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
