he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
