Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
