Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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