nut hugger
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
