She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
