i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
