Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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