He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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