Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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