he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
