i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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