fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
