i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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