No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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