After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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