Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
