If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
