I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
