yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
