I just made out with a guy for $7.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
