I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
