you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
