It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
