After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
