After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
