i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
