Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
