His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
