so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will pee on everything he values.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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