i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
