Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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