she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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