sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
