As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
