I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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