I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize