On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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