I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
