Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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