I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
