if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
