don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
