he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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