I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
