im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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