I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
