She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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