keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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