And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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