When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to make out with him forever
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
