SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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