Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
