is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize