I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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