Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
