i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
