So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize