Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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